PLOT TWIST

I never thought I’d get divorced... and certainly never imagined it’d be one of my life’s greatest gifts. Seven years ago today, I walked out of a courtroom and into a new chapter. It was a strange day. My mind was in a million different places at once (wore two totally different earrings and didn’t even notice until after the hearing.) But in the courtroom, I felt hyper-focused and present.

My dad sat on the bench next to me — my (soon to be) ex-husband perched far across the aisle, eyes fixed forward. When our names were called, it felt like a photo negative of our wedding day. Fanned in a semicircle before the judge, we formed a reverse, un-wedding party. In the pews, a sea of strangers who didn’t know our names. Center stage, our attorneys dressed in black and reciting their vows. Flanking their sides, he and I, facing one other with a gulf of pressurized space between us.

My hands itched to be held, so I clasped them in one another. My eyes yearned for a final flick of regard, but his stayed trained to the floor. When the judge voiced the final decree, there were no claps or kisses or cheers. Not even silence. Just the mundane, administrative shuffling onto the next case.

I had no idea what my life would like from that day forward... in truth, I was terrified. But time and time again, I chose me. I became my own dearly beloved. This contract was not entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. I promised to love, honor, cherish, and protect myself — tending my heart forevermore. I vowed to go forth and live each day to the fullest. Some of those days were hard. Some were breathtaking. All have been a gift.

And now, seven years later, I write these words on a new St. Patrick’s Day. I look back on this locket and remember the fortunes and notes and trinkets and charms slipped in by loving friends over those twelve unraveling months. I remember how I fastened it around my neck that morning and felt its comforting warmth on my skin as the doors swung open and my dad gently took my arm to walk me down a new aisle.

Divorce was a plot twist that brought me to my knees. Everything that's come after has been a page turner I can't put down. So on this day full of horseshoes and clover, please remember that you are your own luck. Life will throw you twist after twist, but always, always look for the gold. It's there…. even when it's hiding.

Hell, you might even find a rainbow.